Cari-bein'

Detached

An interesting thing happened at work today--I made a mistake. Don't misunderstand--I'm not trying to portray myself as Little Miss Perfect. But given that I have a job that has a skillset requirement of a job I might have had 20 years ago, I don't make a lot of mistakes. And certainly not doozies. This was a doozy. It all turned out okay--a few people got inconvenienced, but overall no real harm done. But it really drove home the realization (once again) that when I walk out the door of that office, I erase the day's work from my mind. I suppose that's good and bad. Good in that my "real" life is really mine--without the intrusion of work-related thoughts. I have so little interest (okay, NONE) in what we do there that the work has a hard time holding my attention. That can be bad when I forget stuff from one day to the next. And it's not like me to forget stuff. I'm super-organized and very competent and tend to be one who remembers everything. But, frankly, I just don't give a crap.

I've noticed that the longer I'm there, the less I'm retaining. I suppose that because it's all so rote by now--I'm using even less brainpower than I was in the beginning (and I wasn't exactly straining the gray matter to begin with.) There are times when my employer will ask me about something and I honestly have no idea what the answer is. Unheard of for me!! I don't mean he's asking me a question and expecting me to figure out the answer--I mean he's asking me about something we've done and I'm drawing a blank. I know, I know, there are those of you out there who might be saying right about now, "Hey, gal, it's called AGING...when we get older, we start forgetting stuff." But this isn't that. I have no problem remembering all kinds of stuff in my personal life. I'm just completely disinterested in what goes on there. That's why it's particularly hysterical when I think about how vague my employer was the first couple of years I worked there. You would have thought I'd signed up for the CIA. I wanted to say, "Dude, who the hell am I gonna tell? I go out of my way to NOT tell people I work here!"

I have a history of feeling not only loyal in jobs, but also responsible to the --nth degree. So detachment, in this situation, is good for me. It's growth!

posted by Marilyn @ 9:05 PM